


that one annoying salad-ordering guy

by sufianstevens



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Alternate Universe - Diners, Jack being Jack, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-02-27 22:15:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2708648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sufianstevens/pseuds/sufianstevens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>alternatively titled "the one in which axton works in a diner, jack really wants to bone axton, and maya finds it hilarious". <b>[DISCONTINUED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE]</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the guy with the swooshy hair

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote this for handsomojack on tumblr aaaand i started it like... six months ago... but thanks to writer's block on this thing i'm gonna post it in chapters because i don't want them to wait so long. gonna try to update it weekly.

When Axton applied for a job at this somewhat popular diner, he knew what he was getting himself into.  He knew he’d have to deal with douchey customers, co-workers that wouldn’t give two fucks about him, and a possibly shitty boss.  He had this figured out from his previous job at a bar.

If he actually had friends here, work would be a whole lot easier. There was that one server, Maya, who would strike up a conversation now and then, but that was only due to them having no one else to talk to. They shared a mutual dislike for their boss, Marcus Kincaid, who often short-changed customers and didn’t give any of the workers the full paycheck they deserved.

Now, Axton could try to talk to other people, but it wasn’t that easy. When you’re a kid, you can say two words to someone and boom—you’re friends forever. In adulthood, it’s not that simple. After exchanging two words with someone, they’re more likely to hate you than to feel any sort of warm regard.

What was easy to do was for Axton to leave a bar with one or two women—or men, for that matter. He wasn’t bad looking; he was in shape, and he was charming when he wanted to be. What usually happened was that he'd go to some hotel, fuck, and then never see them again. Rinse and repeat.

That happened countless times at Axton’s bartending job, but at this place, he was generally quiet and didn’t smile often. He’d seen girls come in, stare, whisper, and giggle in his direction. If he were at a bar, he’d be all over girls like that. However, here, they were usually underage, high school girls. Axton was only twenty-six, and he didn’t need (nonetheless want) a reputation as a creep.

He never really established much of a reputation here, what with him being so quiet. He was lucky; even the customers had reputations.

First, there were the newcomers. They would usually step in, have a quick meal, then Axton would never see them again. Then, there were regulars. Everyone knew their attitude, appetite, and social stance.

There was Tannis, a short-haired woman who always mumbled to herself about “ceiling chairs” and had some sort of phobia against bacon. She never ate meat—or at least didn’t order meat, due to Axton never seeing her order anything meat-related. Along with that, she also seemed to have an odd fear of carrots; no one knows what that stemmed from, and frankly, Axton didn’t want to know.

Then there was Gaige, a girl who was fresh out of high school, who never failed at charming the other waiters. She always talked about engineering and how she wanted to create robots, always coming in with new ideas for inventions and talking about how she would go about it. No one ever believed her.

Next is Ellie, which was one of the few regulars Axton actually liked. She was always smiling, and whenever someone commented on her weight (which wasn’t really a big deal to the workers), she’d scoff and brush them off… and possibly trip them as they walked out.

Most of the other regulars were teenagers with rather bland personalities--ditzy blondes, hipsters who thought they were cooler than everyone else due to their taste in music and fashion, and jocks who tried too hard to be masculine. All the damn same.

Axton tried not to concern himself with any of that; he tried to just focus on getting through his shift without yelling at any idiotic customers. He was successful… most of the time.

“For the last time, I can’t lower the price. It is what it is,” Axton told the group of teenage girls at his table through clenched teeth and closed eyes. Today was fine until these kids showed up.

"But none of us have enough money,” whined one of the girls, jutting out her lower lip.

“Tough. Pool your money, or I’ll have to get my boss out here to deal with you kids,” Axton placed a hand on his hip, scowling when one of the girls giggled at his stance. Okay, maybe his hips were a tad more… _prominent_ than the average male’s, but it wasn’t _that_ funny.

Then, thank God, the girl on the far left pulled out her wallet and counted out the money.

 “Happy?” She huffed, tone laced with sarcasm.

“Very,” he smirked and snatched the bills, turning away and strolling back to the bar in front of the kitchen window. It was supposed to be a bar for the customers, but no one used it, so employees usually hung around there to talk and/or slack off. Axton was happy to see that Maya was already there, perched on a red stool.

“Hey,” she greeted with a little wave and a toss of her blue hair. “Deal with any idiots today?”

“Just now,” Axton sighed, leaning against the bar. “You?”

“Not many. Just some sleazeball who wouldn’t stop trying to take a peek down my shirt,” Maya rolled her eyes. “They aren’t even that big!”

Axton shook his head, smirked, and replied, “Some guys will take anything they can get.”

Maya laughed, long and loud, before going quiet.  There was silence for a while before Marcus emerged from… wherever he holed up during the day.

“Axton. That guy over at table 12 has been waiting for over ten minutes. Go serve ‘im!” Marcus bellowed in his (slightly obnoxious) accent.

Axton groaned. “Really? My shift ends soon. Isn’t there anyone else who could do it?”

Marcus scowled. “Well, Maya’s shift ended ages ago, and no one else is here. Why the hell are you even here, Maya?”

Maya shrugged and smirked. “Nothing better to do.”

Marcus motioned for her to move over, and when she did, Axton sighed and stood up.

“Fine,” he grumbled, picked up the notepad and pen he had placed on the bar, and made his way over to table 12.

Half way to the table, he stopped.

This guy was… odd, to say the least. He looked out of place in a white button up and black pants, and then there was his hair, which was coiffed up on one side. There were a few strands of silver in the brunet’s hair—Axton’s first thought was that the grey was put there on purpose, but who would purposely dye their hair that color?

Then he remembered that Maya dyed her hair silver a while ago before going back to blue. Ah, well.

He didn’t look like one of their usual customers, since a good portion of people who came to the diner were teenagers with barely any money. This guy looked to be in his thirties or forties, and anyone could tell just by looking at him that he wasn’t low on money.

The man had his legs crossed, his reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose and a book in his hands. He didn’t look very rushed but, his eyes aimed down at the book, he couldn’t really sense any emotion.

Willing himself to stop staring at this guy, Axton shook his head and kept walking. He turned and stopped in front of the table, lifting up his pad of paper.

“Um, good afternoon, sir?” Axton ‘greeted’, his tone unsure.

The man sighed and took his glasses off, closed his book, and set the glasses on top of the front cover. He shifted so he was facing the waiter.

“It’s about time y—“ he stopped when he caught sight of Axton, “…hi.”

“…Hi,” Axton said, shuffling his feet. The only coherent thought he could form was ‘oh my god that’s so cool’ because of his eyes; the left was blue and the right was green. Forcing himself to push back the month-old-puppy side of him, he continued, “Could I get you something to drink?”

"“Just water, thanks,” he replied, smirking up at Axton. He felt the back of his neck heat up. Okay, now his earlier thoughts about him being moderately attractive were gone. This guy was really, _really_ good-looking (even if Axton didn’t want to admit it).

Axton nodded quickly, mindlessly scribbling it down on the notepad. “I’ll be back with it soon, sir.”

He smiled and turned back to his table, picking up his glasses. “Thanks, sugar.”

Whoa, hold on. Axton, taken aback, had to wait a few moments before walking off. Did this stranger just call him _sugar_?

He wouldn’t really be surprised if it had been a teenage girl, but an adult man? It wasn’t that Axton had much of a problem with it—the guy was hot, okay?—it was just that it seemed a bit blunt.

When he saw Maya leaning against a wall, he walked over to her. Before he could even open his mouth, she snorted and said, “The guy with the swooshy hair was staring at your ass when you walked over here.”

He blinked, clueless. “What?”

“Oh my God, this is great. Do you, like, swing your hips like that on purpose, or…?” Maya had to cut off to cover her mouth, trying not to bust out laughing.

“No!” Axton said quickly, eyes wide. “DUDE!”

Maya grinned. “He’s cute. You’re just mad that if you two end up banging, you won’t be the one who'll be doing the fucking.”

“MAYA!” He buried his reddening face in his hands.

“You’re just mad because I’m right,” she snorted and Axton lightly shoved her.

“You’re a dick,” he huffed.

“How can I be a dick if I don’t have one?” Maya nudged him and laughed loudly. “Oh my God, I am on FIRE today!”

Axton rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna go get his drink.”

“Water isn’t the only thing he wants to swallow.”

“MAYA!”

* * *

 

Surprisingly, all throughout dinner, the customer didn’t bother him. He gave him a curt nod when he brought back his water, then his salad. He ate slowly, mostly distracted by the phone in his hand, speaking quietly to himself. The last part kind of disturbed Axton, but he brushed it off; there were plenty of people that were much more weird than this guy.

Axton walked over and set the check down when he was finished, and he gave another curt nod, signing it and handing it to him, adding a few dollars as a tip.

He slid out of his chair and walked around Axton, briefly stopping next to the waiter. And, with a calm, blank expression on his face, lightly smacked his ass.

Before Axton could say anything, he was out the door, and he could vaguely hear Maya’s hysterical laughter behind him.

* * *

 

Axton sighed, Maya standing next to him as they cleaned tables. It was already closing time, and Maya was still teasing him about the man. Axton didn’t even know his goddamn n _ame_.

Maya snorted. “Dude, you should be happy, he was kinda hot.”

Axton glared at Maya. “Seriously. Shuddup. I’m not in the mood.”

“Calm down. I’m just teasing,” Maya said defensively, putting her hands up.

“I _AM_ CALM!” Axton whirled around and shouted, wildly gesturing with his arms.

Maya blinked. “You sure, Ax?”

Axton rubbed his forehead. “Ugh, sorry. I just- it annoys me when people flirt with me. It’s really stupid and I don’t like it. Like, I’m not gonna flirt back. This is my job. My job is to wait tables, not to ride dicks.”

“So you _do_ admit that he’d be the one fucking you?” Maya grinned and clicked her tongue.

Axton threw the dirty towel at her.

* * *

 

The next day, it was almost closing time, and Axton hadn’t seen the man. He was relieved, but kind of disappointed, yet he didn’t know why.

Axton was scrubbing down a table in which a child had knocked over his fathers’ cola before he heard the bell faintly chime behind him, signaling a customer walking in.

“I’m ba- _aaaa_ ck…” a familiar voice piped up from behind Axton, and he perked up, about to welcome the customer but pausing when he saw the familiar mismatched eyes. “Miss me, Axty?”

“…How do you know my name,” was all he inquired, giving the other man a weird look.

“Well, you’ve got a name tag,” the guy smugly remarked, crossing his arms.

Axton felt his face heat up and his eyes shoot to the dusty tile floor (damn, someone needed to clean that). “Okay, um, just- sit wherever. We don’t exactly seat our customers manually.”

“I see,” he smiled and slid into the same booth as yesterday, tapping his fingers on the surface of the table. Looking around, Axton noticed that the only other customer in the entire diner was an old man wearing a hearing aid, all the way over in the corner. He looked back and sighed, shifting over in front of the table.

“May I take your order?” Axton droned in a bored-sounding voice, his eyes half-lidded.

“A small salad and a water,” the man responded, drawing circles on the table with his finger.

Axton blinked. “Why do you even come here? You can just make a salad at home, can’t you? You have hands. And legs.”

He snorted. “You’re really oblivious, y’know that, kiddo?”

Axton furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

The customer chuckled and shook his head, staring down at the table. “Never mind; just go get the salad, pumpkin.”

Axton swiveled around and shuffled quickly toward the window in the back, standing on the tips of his toes and peeking over. All he said was “small salad.”

He walked over to Maya again, grabbing a glass for water on the way. “He’s back.”

“Sounds like you’re reciting lines from a sequel trailer,” Maya giggled. “ _He’s back… and even thirstier for your ass than ever_.”

“ _Maya_ ,” Axton breathed, his teeth gritted. He sighed and went on, “He’s so _irritating_ , man. He’s just- he’s persistent. He’s still flirting with me and he’s been making sex eyes at me since he walked in the place. I don’t understand why he keeps coming back just to order a salad and a water.”

Maya looked at him for a few moments then burst out laughing. “Oh my _God_ , you _dumbass_ , do you really think he comes here for the food?”

Axton cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

Maya shook her head, wiping an invisible tear from her cheek. “Just… go serve the cocksucker, will ya?”


	2. so, apparently his name was jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is short i am trash

Axton was almost late that day. Almost.

He drank a shit ton of coffee the other night due to nerves—which didn’t help whatsoever (it actually made it a lot worse). As a result, he didn’t fall asleep until about four in the morning. His shift at the diner was noon to eight, so he didn’t really think that he’d have much of a problem with getting up.

Of course, since some ancient deity had (apparently) always kept a curse over Axton, he woke up twenty minutes before his shift began. He tumbled out of bed and got ready as quickly as he can, threw on his uniform (and promptly groaned and fixed his shirt when he noticed it was on the wrong way), ate dry cereal, put his Sparks in his dog-crate, and ran out the door in order to catch the bus.

He was huffing when he got into work, sliding down the door once it closed behind him. He looked over to Maya, who was leaning against the door, eyebrow quirked.

“You okay there, Axton?” She chuckled lightly, walking over to him as he got up to his feet.

“Yeah, yeah. I just… didn’t get much sleep last night,” replied Axton, scratching the back of his neck, nerves still flooding his system. Whether they were from last night or from getting ready so quickly, he didn’t know.

“Why?” Maya got a devilish smirk on her face as she continued, “Were you thinking of ‘pretty boy’?”

Axton glared at her. “I’m going to be tortured by you on a daily basis from this, aren’t I?”

Maya grinned and nodded, making Axton roll his eyes. He walked past her, bumping her shoulder with his, and went to the back of the room to grab his notepad and pen.

Just as he was going to sit down at the bar with Maya, the bell chimed. He was expecting the guy, but luckily, it wasn’t. He saw a headful of messy red hair pulled up into pigtails until his mind registered that it was Gaige. Jesus, he _really_ needed to get more sleep.

She was holding the hand of a girl whose age he couldn’t really decipher. She had shaved off her hair on one side of her head, the other half pulled into a short, low ponytail. Axton hadn’t seen her before, but something about her face made her seem familiar.

“My dad won’t figure out we’re here, right?” She asked, her eyes nervously darting back and forth.

Axton was a bit nervous for her—from the look on her face, it looked like she was scared of her dad. “Nope! Jack won’t find out we’re here at all.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m still grounded,” the girl giggled.

 _Thank God,_ Axton thought, relieved. He hated the thought of abusive parents. He leaned back, waiting for them to finish their conversation before he walked over.

“Why were you even grounded in the first place, Angel?” Gaige asked, playing with the choker around her neck.

“I was running to get the phone and I ran into dad’s desk. He had this, like, machine thing he’d been working on for a couple months sitting on there. It fell and broke. He was really, really mad,” Angel made a face. “I felt bad. He’d been working so hard on it. I guess I deserved to be grounded.”

“Accidents happen,” Gaige shrugged, then pulled her hood up and grinned. “We can be sneaky.”

Axton waited about ten seconds until walking over, pulling out his notepad. “Hi. Want to start out with drinks, or do you want to order?”

“Two waters and a medium order of fries,” Gaige answered, pulling her hood down, kicking her legs and accidentally clocking Angel in the shin. “Shit. S-sorry!”

Angel shook her head and grinned, then looked up at him. “Yeah. What she said.”

Axton made brief eye contact with the raven-haired girl, and his heart stopped. Some of her features looked eerily similar to that of the new regular’s. _She couldn’t be his…_

Trying to think nothing of it, he slowly backed away, earning a confused look from Gaige.

He went back to the kitchen window, shouted the order back at the cook, and then went over to get drinks. While he filled the glasses, he thought of the possibilities of Angel being the man’s daughter. If it was true, then he was apparently an engineer named Jack, who was also at least ten years older than Axton, since this Angel girl appeared to be in her mid-teens.

Christ. Axton needed to stop over-analyzing things—especially about people he barely knew.

He returned with the glasses of water and set them down, then jogged over to the kitchen and brought the fries back over. When he was about to return to Maya, the door chimed _again._ Jesus, he just wanted to have a nice conversation.

He turned toward the door, and his heart seemed to stop. Of course. Guy-who-was-probably-named-Jack walked in.

Instantly, his eyes landed on Angel. Angel’s lips parted.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at home?” He said in an eerily quiet voice.

“I-I’m sorry, dad, I just wanted-“

“We’re going home,” Jack walked over, crossing his arms.

Angel’s head dropped in shame, and Gaige looked at her, pity filling her eyes. Angel got up, and Jack was about to walk back out the door before he made direct eye contact with Axton. Then, he stopped.

“You can sit back down, Angel,” he said, his mood rapidly changing. Axton looked at the floor, pursing his lips. Confused, Angel walked back to Gaige. Gaige only shrugged.

Jack walked up to Axton and awkwardly smiled. “I see you’ve, uh, met my daughter?”

Axton nodded.

“I’m assuming you think I’m married, then?”

“Why the hell would I even care?” Axton snapped, narrowing his eyes. “It’s not like I give a shit about your personal life.”

Jack smiled. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Jack’s smile widened, making Axton even more pissed.

“Are you trying to piss me off, dude? If so, it’s fucking working,” Axton huffed, crossing his arms.

“No,” Jack shook his head. “Looks like you just care a whole lot about whether I have a wife or not. You’re being rather defensive, too.”

Axton frowned. “Are you eating here or not? If you aren’t, then leave. I don’t want to deal with your bullshit today.”

Jack placed his hand on his chest, dramatically feigning personal affront. “Ouch. That hurts, babe.”

“Why do you even come here? To piss me off? It’s starting to get on my nerves, y’know, with you constantly hitting on me,” Axton spat, looking up at him. It wasn’t until then that he realized Jack was a lot taller than he was.

Jack stepped closer until their faces were in close proximity. As he spoke, Axton felt Jack’s warm breath ghost against the bridge of his nose, and suppressed a shiver. “I’ll let you figure that out yourself, kitten.”

After that, Jack backed up and left.

When he looked over at the two girls, Angel was staring at him, eyes wide and mouth open. She turned to Gaige, leaned over, and quickly whispered something to her.

Axton, face red, rushed into one of the bathrooms, went into a stall, and repeatedly smacked his head against the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first of all, I have some notes about this story:
> 
> I will be updating on either Sundays or Mondays each week. This may change, depending on my schedule. I'll try to keep each chapter above 1k words each.
> 
> Then, notes about the AU itself:
> 
> • Axton is 26 (canon), Jack is 37, Angel is 16, Gaige is 18 (canon), and Maya is either 25 or 27 (on some of the official artwork, the age stated is 25; though she says ingame, “I didn’t train for 27 years…”).
> 
> •Axton is bisexual (canon), Maya is asexual (canon), and Jack is pansexual. The other sexualities of the characters I will leave up to you.
> 
> •Jack is not abusive to Angel in this. In my mind, this is pre-Hyperion!Jack, before he started gradually losing sanity.
> 
> •Gaige does not have her robotic arm, since in the first chapter, I stated that she has not yet created D374-TP/Deathtrap.
> 
> •Everyone is human—Maya is not a siren, Angel is not a siren. They do still have their tattoos, though.
> 
> •They look the same as they do ingame, though their outfits are more modern; Jack does not have a cape, Maya and Angel do not have bodysuits, Axton does not have an army uniform, but Gaige still has her normal clothes (even her goggles).
> 
> I may add more in later chapters, since I will most likely be adding more characters to this. Thank you for reading what I have for this story so far! Stick around, because I _will_ be adding more. ♥


End file.
